Thanksgiving: Food, Family, and Fatness
Let’s be honest: Thanksgiving is problematic. For a variety of reasons. The reason I want to zoom in on, and I think doesn’t get enough acknowledgement is how it can be a truly nightmarish gauntlet for fat or plus size folks. For many of my clients, the day feels more like an obstacle course—full of food, family, and unsolicited commentary about… well, everything.
Maybe it’s Aunt Karen asking if you “really need a second helping.” Or the cousin who won’t stop preaching about the magic of GLP-1s. Perhaps the out of pocket “compliment” about how you look so much better than last year. Add in the tension of being around relatives you rarely see, differing (horrific) political views, and the overall pressure to be “on,” and it’s no wonder anxiety spikes.
If that sounds familiar, you’re not alone. In fact based on my work you are in the vast majority.
But what can you do? You don’t have to white-knuckle your way through the day. Let’s talk about how to prepare, manage, and recover, while keeping your peace.
Step 1: Preparing Before the Holiday
Start with honest reflection.
Check in with yourself. I know this is very therapisty but really- knowing yourself is the start to every good plan. What feels most intimidating about Thanksgiving? Is it the food? Certain people you’ll encounter? Comments about your appearance? The sheer chaos of it all? Make a list of things you need to prepare for.
Clarify your goals.
Why are we doing this…again? Is it an obligation that matters to someone you love? The only time you see family all year? Or are there parts of the holiday you genuinely enjoy? If there are reasons that matter to you, honor them so that you can set yourself up to succeed.
Maybe that means carving out a bit of one-on-one time with a sibling. Ask ahead if you can take a quick walk together after the meal. Maybe there’s a specific food you love that brings comfort - ask about the menu or bring it along yourself.
Set boundaries in advance.
Decide what’s off-limits for you. You don’t owe anyone explanations or access to your body, your choices, or your peace. If there’s a topic or person that’s a dealbreaker, that’s okay. Just naming it (even privately) can help you prepare. I’m also a big fan of time limits. I can endure many things if I know there is an end in sight. If that sounds helpful make your hard out known for the whole evening or even the conversation with a particularly tricky relative. “I’d love to chat Uncle Marc but I need to check the turkey in two minutes.”
Prepare your tools
This could include exit strategies to take breaks, grounding tools (like breathwork or sensory aids), or a trusted ally you can text if you need to vent or feel seen. Just knowing you have these things in your back pocket can be effective in managing anxiety.
Schedule Recovery
It took me many years to figure out that scheduling self care after an event was just as important as scheduling the event itself. Maybe you come home from that trip to your home town on Saturday to allow Sunday to be a rest day or have a care package waiting for you when you get home from the thanksgiving feast.
Step 2: Managing During the Holiday
You’ve got a plan, clear goals, and boundaries, but holidays bring the unexpected even to the most prepared. I like having a few phrases thought out ahead of time that can work as escape buttons out of any conversation or situation.
One-Liners to Gently Shut It Down or Shift the Topic:
“Let’s keep the holiday focused on the good stuff, like this pie!”
“Oh wow, look at that cranberry sauce!” (a.k.a. the shiny object technique)
“Mmm, I’m trying to enjoy this without overthinking it.”
“We can talk about anything you want, just not this.”
“I’m giving myself a little break from all that today.”
(Cheerfully) “Anyway! What’s everyone watching lately?”
“Oh, getting a call, I’ll be right back.” (Time to phone a friend.)
Step 3: Recovery
YOU DID IT.
You did a really hard thing and you did it while keeping yourself which is usually harder than it sounds. Give yourself permission to rest. Holidays are draining, even without the added layers of body or food anxiety.
Keep your promise.
You scheduled self care after the holiday. Now is the hard part- actually keeping the appointment with yourself. You reserve it so take the bubble bath. Journal. Paint. Watch a comfort show. Let your nervous system exhale.
Reflect gently.
Having just gone through this experience, good and bad, you have the freshest view of what you might need or enjoy next year. Notice what felt hard, what felt helpful. If you’re up for it, jot down a few notes or tips for yourself before the winter holidays sneak up. One of the silver linings of anxiety is that it helps you learn what you need.
Seek support if you need it.
Processing the stress with a friend or a therapist can help you release what you’ve been carrying and prepare more confidently for future gatherings. I’d love to help with this part.
A Gentle Reminder
Your worth has nothing to do with what you eat, how your body looks, or how it performs. You are enough, exactly as you are.
If you’re already feeling anxious about Thanksgiving, please know you don’t have to face it alone. In therapy, we can practice setting boundaries, strengthen your coping tools, and create a plan so you feel grounded and supported - not just on holidays, but every day.
If this resonates with you, I’d love to connect. Let’s talk about how art therapy, creativity, and compassionate support can help you move through body image anxiety with more ease and self-acceptance.
Warmly,
Miriam
